What is a “Free Spirit”?

I think it’s sad that when you try to explain to someone that you are a “free spirit”, they automatically think “Okay, so you’re a hippie slut.” For example, one of the definitions on Urban Dictionary for free spirit is actually “Slutty; in a 70s way.”
Can someone please explain to me what the hell that even means?

To be a free spirit is not to be a slut. I cannot stress this enough.
I was talking to one of my ex-boyfriends one day, just trying to explain my mindset to him, and I finally got frustrated and just said “I don’t know. I’m young and I’m dumb sometimes. I’m just a free spirit.” His automatic response was to say that I am a whore, which is completely untrue.
So, what exactly is a “free spirit” if it’s not an easy hippie? A free spirit is someone who is able to think for themselves. A free spirit is someone who doesn’t automatically do things the way that society thinks that they should be done. Basically, a free spirit truly is a nonconformist.

My mind works so much different than most people that I know. I’m the type of person who loves relentlessly, and does everything that she can to be self aware in every aspect. I live my life for myself, yet not in a selfish way at all. I live my life trying to grow as a person and understand those around me. I try very hard to be empathetic and understand people and their emotions, the way that they handle situations.
Recently, I’ve went through the hardest breakup I’ve ever been through. In the beginning stages of moving on, I genuinely believed that there was no hope whatsoever. I believed that I was going to die if I didn’t have him back. One day, though, I decided that it was time to completely change my mindset, and it’s the best thing that I’ve ever done. Instead of searching for the negative day in and day out, I decided to really change my perspective and look at the positive things that are coming from moving on with my life without a man in my life.
This is when I truly started to see beauty in everything around me. I started to see the good things in life, the things that I could hold into to shape me into a beautiful soul. Instead of looking at our breakup in the “How will I survive without him” way, I changed my thinking to “If we wouldn’t have broken up, I never would have done what I needed to do in order to fight off my demons.” The entire situation with my ex made me realize that I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was within our relationship. I thought that he was the love of my life, but I realized that I’m not ready to meet the love of my life yet.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to be young and dumb. It’s okay to make bad decisions occasionally. It’s what helps you grow into yourself. It’s what helps you decide the type of person that you’re going to be.
I’m living my life freely. I’m not planning anything out anymore. I’m getting to know new people and getting to know myself for who I truly am and what my heart truly wants. I’m not listening to the people around me who are saying: “You will never be successful unless you go to school. You don’t have the money to move away and make it on your own. You will never be able to [insert whatever it is here] unless you go to college first.” blah. blah. blah.
None of those things are true. I just don’t live my life as a robot. I live my life for myself. I do what makes me happy in the moment, and honestly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I promise you that if you live your life with spontaneity and do what makes you happy and not worry about anything or anyone has to say except you, then you will experience life for everything that it is.
I’m so much more appreciative of everything and everyone around me. I am learning to be empathetic. I’m learning to see beauty in the darkness. I’m learning that being an optimist truly changes your mood. The way that you think truly matters when you are searching for the right road to take. I’m learning to be free, I’m learning to be me.

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Better to Love & Lost than Never Love at all.

Recently my life has taken a tragic turn. As I have written about previously, I was engaged for about two years to a man that I very much adored. I wrote about my day-to-day struggle of my emotions flip-flopping more than the average persons. One day I would be head over heals in love with this man, and the next, I would be leaving him because I wasn’t happy. About a month ago was our last and final breakup.

During this breakup, I decided that it was time for me to reach out for help. Michael had told me time and time again that I needed to go to the doctor because he felt like I had bipolar disorder. During my negative episodes, though, I didn’t want to believe him. I honestly thought that he was just trying to make me feel absolutely crazy. I thought that Michael was the bad person in the relationship and that he couldn’t take the responsibility that needed to be taken in order to fix things between us, and that he was just trying to pawn it off onto me. This was the only explanation. I had lived my entire life up until that point with no problem, right? So why in the hell would bipolar disorder be showing up now?

After my appointment with my psychiatrist I learned that I actually did not have bipolar disorder. She explained to me that when someone is bipolar, their episodes don’t just effect the people that they care the most about, but even random strangers. Because my episodes where strictly to Michael and my mother, she explained to me that I have a major anxiety disorder. Basically, because I feel like those people were going to be there for me for the rest of my life, I felt like it was okay to make them feel not important and not really even realize when I was doing it.

Realizing that I’ve lived my life with this problem going untreated has really been difficult for me. It’s raised so many questions. What would have happened if I would have reached out for help before now? Would Michael and I still be together? But then I take a step back and realize something more… I do love Michael. More than words can describe. Seeing him move on with his life, finding another girlfriend not even two months after our breakup, it’s been difficult. Letting go has been nearly impossible for me, however, I have to realize that for the past two years, I’ve made him unhappy. Now, that he’s moved on, he’s found true happiness. No, it’s not with me, and yes that hurts tremendously, but all I can do is smile knowing that he’s happy.

Sometimes life throws curve balls at you. It’s unfair, and they hurt. But laying down and letting them get the best of you while you mope around in your own self pity does absolutely nothing except make the situation worse. All I can do at this point in time is move forward with my therapy and medications that the doctor has given me, and pray that God gives me the strength to move forward. I’ve already came so far in my thinking, so there’s nowhere else to go but up from here.