Heartache is no Joke.

I’ve realized recently that it isn’t socially acceptable to be heartbroken. People seem to forget about the pain of heartbreak until they are in position themselves. They look down onto you, expecting you to be okay within that very second. They just don’t understand that sometimes “You have to get over it” is just not a logical thing to say. “Getting over it” makes no sense in that moment. “Getting over it” seems damn near impossible. Yet, when you explain that, 9 times out of 10, all you receive is either silence or the classic: “I don’t know what to tell you. All things get better with time.”

What people seem to forget is that heartbreak is a physical pain much like hunger. When you go too long without eating, your stomach starts to have this constant growl and ache. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore, yet at other times you absolutely have to put food into your body otherwise it feels like your stomach is starting to digest itself. Unfortunately, with heartbreak, you can’t just sit down and eat a gallon of ice cream and magically feel better like people expect you to.
I’m not sitting here saying that I wish people could understand what I’m going through, and I’m also not saying that a single person has ever felt this way before. We’ve all had our hearts broken. Some of us with breakups, some with death, and some with a different kind of loss. However, once time passes and the aching slowly goes away, it’s almost like we forget what it feels like to be in mourning. Is it weird of me to say that I never want to forget this feeling?

I’m sure that most people are going to find that very confusing. Why on earth would I want to remember this pain? Honestly, there are a few reasons. The first one is simply because as human beings, we are here to embrace the life that has been given to us. We are here to live, breathe, thrive and feel everything. That might sound pretty “hippie” of me, but this new way of thinking has helped me move on with the recovery process of every ounce of pain I feel.

The second reason is a little more personal, and I will try to not bore you with the gory details. The reason why I lost my previous love is because the timing of our relationship could not have been worse. Between my severe anxiety and depression disorders, there were also issues lying deep in my being that I would have never confronted if I hadn’t been to therapy recently. Because of these things, to say that I treated my fiance badly is an understatement. I treated him terribly. When I look back, I can’t help but think “Damn. He held on so much longer than I ever would have.” Constantly fighting, constantly making him question his self worth, constantly leaving him, and more things that I personally don’t want to have plastered all over the internet, but obviously he should have left me long before he did. All the time that I’m treating him this way, I had no idea that I was as unstable as I truly was. I really had no idea just how far down the hole I had fallen. The pain of this heartbreak will always serve as a reminder to never lose myself again. The guilt that I feel for pulling him into my life when I was so clearly unstable is crippling. If I could go back in time to the day that I met him, I would turn the other cheek and never have talked to him, simply because how I treated him was so badly. But, while talking to one of my friends about feeling this way, they said something to me that really helped me get through a pretty bad time. “Being unstable doesn’t make you ‘the bad guy’, it makes you young.”

I constantly find myself trying to figure out my entire life instead of just letting it pan out the way it’s supposed to. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I’m also the type of person who needs an answer for everything. Why did it happen this way? Why did they ever walk into my life? Why did I fall in love with him the second that I met him if it wasn’t meant to be? Life is unfair. Because I fell in love with my ex-fiance the second that I laid eyes on him in high school, I was absolutely sure that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. That’s the only outcome that made sense. I’ve started to realize that sitting here and questioning why it happened and why it failed, I should just be glad that because of this relationship, I realized that I needed to reach out to someone for help. I shouldn’t sit here and be distraught over something that I cannot change, but be thankful for the good times that we had together. Life is funny sometimes, and things always have a way of playing out better than you could ever imagine them to. Holding onto the light, and surrounding yourself with those who fill your heart with love are the only things that you can do to get through the hard times.


Music is Art, and should not be Prideful.

After this past year’s Grammy award show, I have had such a bad taste in my mouth about today’s hit music and top artists. I did not realize how difficult it is for most people to recognize and appreciate true talent. As I am sure most of you heard, Kanye West decided to pull another stunt where he took it upon himself to walk on the stage in order to express how he felt about an artist winning a big award. This time, instead of Taylor Swift, West “pretended” to interrupt Beck’s acceptance speech for album of the year, stating that Beyonce was more deserving of the award.

I remember when Beyonce released her most recent album, because she kept it a secret from everyone (including many people that work for her label), and did not tell a soul until the album was released on iTunes. This was the first time that that has ever been attempted in music history, and the album sold millions of copies. She also restricted single track sales for a week or two so people were forced to buy the album in it’s entirety, claiming that people needed to listen from start to finish so that they could fully understand the story of the album.
Looking back, I can fully appreciate what Beyonce did and how risky it was not advertising the fact that she was releasing an album, because marketing is extremely important in today’s industry.

Now let’s take a look at Beck. A man who plays 17 musical instruments, and who has written every song he has put out himself. Beck has been around for over a decade now, and he’s clearly not slowing down. Beck has toured the world with many headlining tours, and once even toured with Johnny Cash. Beck wrote, produced, arranged, and recorded his entire album all inside his own home.

The Grammy’s are the biggest night of music every year. The Grammy’s are filled with class and high end people who gather together to celebrate one of the greatest gifts that we have in human life. Music brings people together in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine. Looking back into history we see that slaves used to use songs to communicate with each other. Music holds a special place in all of our hearts, and it’s something that deserves to be celebrated. When someone as talented as Beck comes along, he deserves to be appreciated for he is a true artist. Beyonce, on the other hand, has many other people write her songs for her, she doesn’t produce her albums herself, etc. Now I’m not saying that Beyonce isn’t talented by any means. If anyone loves Queen B, it would be this girl, but I also know when to recognize someone as a true artist when they deserve to be recognized.

It makes me so sad to see today’s society ripping true musicians apart, and giving glory to those like Kanye West, who literally view themselves as Gods. Someone who so clearly thinks he and his friends (Jay-Z, Beyonce, etc.) should be held higher than the others around them because they are so popular, but popularity does not define true artistry. We see that when we look at some of the people in Hollywood today like Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, the Kardasian sisters, etc.

This is just something that has truly been weighing on my heart, and I needed to express it.

Mia Wallace meets the Mad Hatter

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Pleased to Meet You.”

“”Mia had had a wonderful time with Vincent the night that it happened. Emotions were flying, and she realized that she may have been a little to friendly with him, however she knew that he would never say anything to Marsellus. Vincent was terrified of him, even though he worked for him. But who wouldn’t be? Even Mia was to a degree, and that was her husband.

Vincent came inside after taking Mia to a 50s style restaurant, and asked if he could use the restroom, Mia pointed him in the direction of the room and told him that she would make them drinks while she waited. Instead of going through with that though, she found a little bit of heroin in Vincent’s jacket pocket. Now Mia was a beautiful and classy woman, but she had a hard time resisting that beautiful white powder. Little did Mia know, this was unlike any substance she had used before. It was stronger, therefore she was vulnerable in deciding just how much she should take.

Vincent came out of the bathroom to find Mia near death on the living room floor, completely unresponsive. Yet, he didn’t realize that she was literally in a completely different world, maybe even a whole new dimension. Mia was in Wonderland.

Mia woke up with a headache in a strange room. At first, it didn’t seem to have a door. Just a room, with oddly shaped furniture and the brightest colors she had ever seen. As she started to panic, she searched for a door and finally found the smallest door she had ever seen. She was so confused. “How on earth did I get here?” she wondered. She looked around for a hidden passageway or some other way to get out of this mess she had found herself in when she found a bottle with a little tag wrapped around it that said “Drink me.” Mia was obviously no stranger to ingesting foreign substances into her body, so she drank a small sip. Suddenly Mia was in an excruciating amount of pain. She could feel her body rapidly shrinking, and it was unlike anything she had ever felt before, yet over within the blink of an eye. She was so confused and had no idea what had happened, but all that mattered was the simple fact that she could walk through that tiny little door.

Once she opened the door she found herself in the most peculiar looking forest she had ever seen. The trees were oddly shaped and the sounds that filled the air were terrifying. She began to walk when she saw the most perplexing thing- a giant, floating smile. All she could see were the most gorgeous teeth smiling wider than anything she had ever seen, as bright as the moon, when suddenly a purple cat appeared behind the smile. “Hello…” Mia smiled in fascination. She could not believe what she was seeing.
“Hello there, Mr. Cat. How are you?” The cat did not respond to her question, but merely asked who she was.
“My name is Mia,” she said. “What is this place?”
He smiled once more and said, “Welcome to Wonderland, my lady.”
Mia couldn’t believe it. Wonderland? She had watched the movies and almost read the books, but never even imagined that this world, this place could ever be real…
The Cheshire Cat must have read the look on her face, as he directed her to follow a very specific path.

Mia was baffled, she couldn’t help but think she was losing her mind. She began to panic once more. “This is just a dream. This is just a dream.” Suddenly she smelled something in the air, and she automatically knew who she was about to meet. She walked in the direction of the aroma filling the air, when suddenly there he was. “Absolem.” said Mia.
Absolem looked frightened. “Who… are… you…?” he spoke.
“My name is Mia.”
He didn’t understand at first, but through brief conversation, he became more comfortable with her. He asked what she was doing and if she knew where she was, but Mia still in a state of shock, just walked away from him when she heard yelling in the distance.

Mia could not believe her eyes. There he was. The Mad Hatter. He was right in front of her and he was speaking but she couldn’t hear anything coming from his mouth. “Hmm?” he said.
“Did you say something?” she asked. “I’m Mia.”
He stared at her, completely baffled and said, “Mia, do you know why the raven is like a writing desk?”
Mia could feel her heart start racing, when all of a sudden everything went black. She had no idea what was happening to her, just that her heart felt like it was about to explode.

“Mia?” she could hear Vincent yelling. “MIA?!” and then suddenly, she was back on Earth. She had no idea what had happened, but whatever it was or where ever it was, she knew that she would never be the same.””

Yeah, this was fun. :p