If there is one thing that I’ve learned in the past 2 1/2 years, it’s what to look for in a man, and when it’s a good idea to turn away from him. After leaving my fiance this past year, the last thing that I had on my mind was the desire for a relationship. I wanted to take the time that I needed to focus on myself and grow into the woman that I knew I could be.
As I was talking to one if my best friends last night, I realized that I’ve come so far in the past couple of months. He told me that he was so impressed at my ability to pick myself up, brush myself off, and become even stronger than I’ve ever been before. While he was telling me all of this, it literally brought tears to my eyes. He couldn’t believe that I survived the situation, and honestly, neither could I.
A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy. A big, burly, bearded, handsome man that caught my attention the moment I saw him. Apparently, it was the same for him. Once we started talking, I was so incredibly glad that I had had the courage to make the first move.
This man is everything I’ve ever thought of in thinking of a significant other. The amount of chivalry that comes from him is insane. He actually still opens the car door for me. He is crazy obsessed with horror movies, and he’s a wonderful chef with a pretty damn good job. All he wants is to see me smile, to kiss my smile. This man is mature enough to know that I can have my guy friends and it not be an issue. He is confident enough in me to know that I am coming home to him at night. He also really likes the fact that I’m a complete and total bitch. I’m pretty sure the fact that I’m so sassy and crude is just a total turn on for him. He likes to do small things just to make me smile, and he spoils the ever loving shit out of me solely because he wants to.
When things first started heating up with us, I wasn’t sure if I was even capable of loving someone. I didn’t think that going to dinner and a movie with him would result in me starting to fall in love with him. I never could have seen it coming. I had built walls around my heart solely to prevent something like this from happening. Yet there’s just something about my man, his patience, kindness, & listening ears that are tearing those walls down faster than my comfort zone can keep up. But once I really thought about it, I realized one thing. I made it through my past, still standing strong & tall. I might be a little scared to let go and let him into my heart, but love is scary regardless. Falling in love doesn’t have to be scary or complicated. Falling in love is supposed to be effortless and beautiful, yet I’m letting myself get in the way of fully and wholeheartedly enjoying it. I guess now it’s time to let go of myself. Now it’s time to let him in fully, and really see where it goes. If I don’t, ultimately I will lose him, and wonder for the rest of my life what could have been…