The Summer of Self Growth.

As human beings, I believe we all have a deep longing in our hearts to be loved. It’s something that each and every one of us want to feel. It’s something that we crave, whether everyone wants to admit it or not.

Whether you are ready for a relationship, or you aren’t, it’s still absolutely flattering to know that someone has taken an interest in you, is it not? It’s still an amazing feeling to know that you can impact someone’s heart enough for them to want to be with you. For some, though, this longing is greater. I truly believe that it is my deepest desire- to find the man of my dreams who I will one day be able to not only call my husband, but also the father to my children.

Life has given me exactly what I thought was the answer to my prayers, and then taken it from me very dramatically. Getting over this bump in the road has been a very difficult journey, in which I’ve made some pretty unwise decisions when it comes to love and romance. I’m the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve, which ultimately gets me into the worst situations imaginable. Sometimes I’m a little too gullible when it comes to what a man says to me, and I’ve never realized it until recently.

If we are being completely honest here, it almost feels like my heart has this giant hole in it that only a man can fulfill. Yet, 9 times out of 10, men only make my life more complicated. I’m beginning to realize that until I can pull myself together completely, I will never be able to make someone else happy. I’m not entirely sure what that looks like exactly, but I have come to terms with wanting to find out.

I’ve vowed to make this summer the most beautiful one yet. I’ve made a promise to myself that I am going to focus solely on me. Taking everything life throws at me one day at a time. Really and truthfully not seeking out men or when a man tries to seek me out, not really look their direction. I’m a 21 year old girl who has yet to see half of what the world has to offer. I’ve vowed to be on the river more often than not, and to surround myself with my friends and family. This is going to be the summer of a lifetime, as ridiculous as that sounds, simply because I have this very deep feeling that I will truly be finding myself.

I went to spend time outdoors. I want to start working out the way that I said I was going to a month or so ago. Just the few times that I was getting up and being active, I could tell a difference not only in my body, but also my mental health. I felt better all-around. I want to truly come to terms with who I am as a human being, and what my purpose on earth is. I just need to remember to have patience with myself. I know that I have a beautiful soul, and I’ve let current events get in the way of what makes it beautiful. For a while, I lost myself completely, and I will never allow it to happen again.

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