The Summer of Self Growth.

As human beings, I believe we all have a deep longing in our hearts to be loved. It’s something that each and every one of us want to feel. It’s something that we crave, whether everyone wants to admit it or not.

Whether you are ready for a relationship, or you aren’t, it’s still absolutely flattering to know that someone has taken an interest in you, is it not? It’s still an amazing feeling to know that you can impact someone’s heart enough for them to want to be with you. For some, though, this longing is greater. I truly believe that it is my deepest desire- to find the man of my dreams who I will one day be able to not only call my husband, but also the father to my children.

Life has given me exactly what I thought was the answer to my prayers, and then taken it from me very dramatically. Getting over this bump in the road has been a very difficult journey, in which I’ve made some pretty unwise decisions when it comes to love and romance. I’m the type of person who wears her heart on her sleeve, which ultimately gets me into the worst situations imaginable. Sometimes I’m a little too gullible when it comes to what a man says to me, and I’ve never realized it until recently.

If we are being completely honest here, it almost feels like my heart has this giant hole in it that only a man can fulfill. Yet, 9 times out of 10, men only make my life more complicated. I’m beginning to realize that until I can pull myself together completely, I will never be able to make someone else happy. I’m not entirely sure what that looks like exactly, but I have come to terms with wanting to find out.

I’ve vowed to make this summer the most beautiful one yet. I’ve made a promise to myself that I am going to focus solely on me. Taking everything life throws at me one day at a time. Really and truthfully not seeking out men or when a man tries to seek me out, not really look their direction. I’m a 21 year old girl who has yet to see half of what the world has to offer. I’ve vowed to be on the river more often than not, and to surround myself with my friends and family. This is going to be the summer of a lifetime, as ridiculous as that sounds, simply because I have this very deep feeling that I will truly be finding myself.

I went to spend time outdoors. I want to start working out the way that I said I was going to a month or so ago. Just the few times that I was getting up and being active, I could tell a difference not only in my body, but also my mental health. I felt better all-around. I want to truly come to terms with who I am as a human being, and what my purpose on earth is. I just need to remember to have patience with myself. I know that I have a beautiful soul, and I’ve let current events get in the way of what makes it beautiful. For a while, I lost myself completely, and I will never allow it to happen again.

“…A Riot is the Language of the Unheard.”

Is it just me, or has the world completely lost it’s ability to see the beauty and the value of human life?

I’ve tried for such a long time to stay ignorant to what is happening in the world, simply because it actually breaks my heart to hear about so many people dying every day, but then I realized that ignorance is never really a good thing. Once the riots in Baltimore started to break out, I decided to really dive into research on police brutality considering it was the biggest issue being talked about. When I started to read about the multiple cases of police shooting all of these innocent unarmed people, it really started to stir something up inside of me.

So many people are questioning why the riots are happening. I’ve heard so many things from “It’s so sad that they think violence will solve anything” all the way to “I don’t see the welfare offices in Baltimore burning to ground.” All of these comments have really started to irritate me. Can you imagine what the people rioting are actually feeling? Our country is losing trust in it’s law enforcement, and it’s not something that anyone should be okay with. Police are scared to walk up to a car’s window when they pull someone over out of fear of being shot, and the people being pulled over are afraid of the police officer gunning them down or beating them senseless for no reason. This should never even be an issue. Of course there will cases where police have to shoot someone, but it should be a last resort at all costs.

It is not enough for me to stand before you tonight and condemn riots. It would me morally irresponsible for me to do that without, at the same time, condemning the contingent, intolerable conditions that exist in our society. These conditions are the things that cause individuals to feel that they have no other alternative than to engage in violent rebellions to get attention. And I must say that a riot is the language of the unheard.

As most of you know, Martin Luther King Jr. said that beautiful quote. This is exactly my view on the situation. Though, when I tried to voice my opinion on Facebook, I actually had someone say that this quote was “stupid” and that when Martin Luther King Jr. was rallying there was no violence involved. Good God, people. That is probably one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in my life. The thing about this is, is that what is happening in the world and in Baltimore right now is history actually repeating itself.

All of these people going crazy and rioting feel that they have absolutely no other way to get their point across that something needs to change! Police brutality has always been an issue, but no one is doing anything about it. Everyone is looking down upon the people who are so hurt and so terrified that they feel the need to burn a city to the ground. I’m not sitting here condoning violence, by any means. For those of you who do not know me personally, I’m one of the most nonviolent people in the world. I’ve never been into a fight with anyone, and I hate confrontation. Even the thought of confrontation freaks me out, however, I am smart enough to recognize a problem, and I see a problem with our law enforcement.

What has our country turned into? We now live in a nation where police set up road blocks and force you to stop your vehicle when you have done nothing to deserve doing so. Do you guys realize how wrong that is? It’s unconstitutional. Yet if I were to go through a police check point, not roll down my window completely, and recite my rights as to why I do not have to do so, I would be arrested, searched, and maybe even beaten. It’s gotten to the point where police do not care about a citizens rights. This is exactly the reason that when/if I am every pulled over, I immediately pull out my cell phone to record every single thing that happens. Yes, you have absolutely every right to record your interactions with a police officer, and do not ever let them tell you that you don’t.

Our forefathers are probably turning over in their graves at what this nation has turned into, but no one seems to care. I would never go and be a part of a riot, but I can’t help to think that I would definitely want to go and be a part of the peaceful protesting that is also taking place. The media just doesn’t like to show that side of things. We need a movement of love and peace to sweep across the nation like it did when The Beatles were leading the nation with their music. We need a generation of people to stand up and protest what is right. We need a group of people to come together hand-in-hand and show the world that nothing is accomplished with violence. The only thing that we can do to fix this country is realize that there is value in human life. There is change in love! Not to be cliche or anything, but all you need is love. 

Stop judging people based on the color of their skin. Stop making people feel worthless because they had a child with a person of another race. We need to come together and realize that no matter someone’s race, they are a human beings. They are equal to you. They always have been, and they always will be.